Why do they happen, though? I’m not sure, but they do. 

Finding meaning amidst the confusion is difficult; deciphering the meaning of what stands before you seems almost inconceivable.

Sometimes your house randomly gets flooded, and other times, people leave you, too.

What really is at play here? What can you even do?

How does one find a way out of that deep pit of despair-- without being torn in two? 

I’m not sure about that one, either

* * *

I am certain, however, that I now work for the United States Forest Service, which is bizarre to hear. It’s a paradoxical idea to think that a first-generation little Latino brown boy coming from a low-income neighborhood who didn’t grow up experiencing nature now works for the Wilderness and Wild & Scenic Rivers program at the national level at the Forest Service’s Washington Office. 

This is uncharted territory; people that look like me and talk like me and think like me rarely exist in these spaces. I want to do a ‘good job’; I want to get ‘my foot in the door’. But that’s difficult to transition into when uncertainty and instability loom in the distance. They permeate within the deepest annals of the soul, beckoning a rift in spirit to tear it in two. 

* * *

How did you get here?

I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Not in the space allowed here, at least. Story’s too long.

But what do I carry with me; why am I here?

Remember the voices of those who have never been heard. Remember those who have existed on these lands. Don’t forget yourself. 

I’d like the world to know how incredibly excellent I am because I am becoming aware of how incredibly excellent I am. But the world is dark and full of terrors, or at least mine has been, recently. 

Remember the blue sky; it’s always there. Sometimes it’s difficult to see, difficult to decipher the meaning of what stands in front of you...

Agency: U.S Forest Service

Program: Resource Assistant Program (RAP)

Location: USFS Headquarters, Washington Office